I'm losing it!

12+ pounds and still going! I haven't really been eating much lately, which has resulted in my losing some weight over the last 2-3 months. It wasn't like I was fat, but I wasn't very happy with how heavy I had become. I'm not starving myself, not by a long shot. I've made the switch to diet soft drinks (with rare exceptions) and drink more water - plus I just don't eat unless I'm hungry. Maybe it's from using the Dorm-a-tron... I dunno.

My mood has greatly improved over the last couple of days. The previous 2 weeks were very hard for me, but things are looking up. On Monday night I felt like a reset button had been pushed in my brain, allowing me to reboot and clear up a lot of crap that's been going through my head lately. The stuff is still in my mind and I'm working through it, but I no longer feel over-emotional about it.

This weightloss and my strange over-emotional state got me thinking about something: My ex-wife, Sherise, was severely overweight for most of our marriage. In May of 2001 she underwent gastric bypass surgery. As she lost weight, she went through some very rough points emotionally - seemingly out of nowhere. What she found out was that our fat cells also end up storing whatever chemicals (hormones, drugs, etc.) were floating around in your system at the time those fat cells were stored up. This means that if you were doing drugs, you might experience a slight flashback from it, if you were depressed you might go back through similar emotions as you did back then, if you were angry, you might get aggitated for no reason, etc... once your body started to break down and burn the fat cells. I bounced this question off my friend Ted, who also went through the same surgery. He told me of how he had also gone through some similarly strange and inexplicable emotional states during his period of weightloss.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, I've been hovering around the same weight for the last 3-5 years. A lot of that time I was in an unhappy marriage and going through a lot of garbage related to it. So what I'm hypothesizing now is that when my body reached a certain area of fat to burn off in my body, it coincided with when I started going through a lot of stuff (over the last 2 months). There's no doubt that I would have been emotionally affected by what I was going through, but I think I got a hit with a extra dose of old emotional chemicals that had been stored up in my fat while things were happening to me recently and I got pushed over the edge.

For all I know, I'm just talking out of my ass. I really don't know. The dominant logical part of my brain has trouble dealing with emotional crap, that I know. I also know myself well enough to realize when something isn't right. 2 weeks ago I took a day off from work because I just couldn't cope with things. I sobbed almost uncontrollably for 2-3 hours. That's not me. That's just not how I deal with problems. It was an emotional breakdown and it freaked me out. So I guess I'm just looking for an explanation as to why it happened, because my logical side needs it. This is about as good of an explanation as I could figure out.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say that I'm not emotional - I feel and deal with emotions like everybody else. I just know how I process things and work through them. Not being able to come to grips with my feelings threw me for a loop and scared me.

Anywho, that's my story and I'm sticking with it. Move along! There's nothing to see here!

This entry came wrapped with a nice little bow that eventually got ripped off and torn into shreds.

The Mighty Quinn is at it again

It seems that my good pal Quinn is in high spirits lately. In fact, he felt so good, that he created a new (and strange) video for your viewing pleasure! It's good to see this side of him back again!

---

Maybe it's the position of the moon, maybe it's just being tainted by my half of his genetic makeup, but Rece came up with something pretty funny today. I added it to the Oddities page on my site. Check it out!

This entry was brought to you by the dried up sponges hiding under my sink.

Very, very, very...

The last couple of days were, in my mind, wonderful. I spent some time with friends and went geocaching. It's easier to learn to appreciate something when you're able to see it up close, in person, and in it's natural habitat. This smile on my face won't go away and I look forward to the days ahead. It's good to have friends that care for you so much!

This entry was brought to you by some kick-ass chocolate chip cookies!

Quinn's tale, part 2

Quinn finished writing a piece of history about himself (click here to read part 1), which as a good friend I found very interesting. It just goes to show how life can change direction so quickly and how everything can be an influence on the directions we choose to go.

This entry was brought to you by cowbell.

Speaking of new products...

Rece just finished his homework (yeah, at 8:45 pm - ahem) and it's got to be some of the funniest shit I've read from him yet! His assignment was to come up with an advertisement for 2 products (made up or otherwise). They were both funny, but the one I liked best read as follows...

New from Maybotsew Pharmaceuticals, it's the Dorm-a-tron. Here's what some one said about it. "I've tried everything, but I just couldn't keep those extra 200 pounds down, and it was starting to affect my marriage. Then I found the Dorm-a-tron. Using a new technology to help me lose weight. You just strap on the Dorm-a-tron, put on the High Voltage Helmet, turn them on, and then you can have a perfect night's sleep while you lose weight."

This entry was brought to you by a High Voltage Helmet!

Fizzle, fizzle, fizzle!

A few weeks ago (18 days, actually) I was up late and chatting with a friend online. For some strange reason I was inspired to do something silly and ended up making some audio commercials for a few interesting (and fictional) products. Out of laziness, I sort of forgot about them and that was that. Rece reminded me of them tonight while we were walking to the store, so upon my return I put them up on my web site (in the Oddities section).

Here they are for your listening pleasure:

P'Raps - A new urban-themed chocolate bar. Awww yeah...

Rhubarb Soap - When being clean just isn't enough.

YeeHaw Soda - All of the flavor, none of the crunch.

---

In other news...

My buddy (The Mighty) Quinn posted a bit of history of his life. Part of it involves me, so I figured I'd link to it in case some of my friends and family might be interested.

This entry was brought you by Rhubarb Soap... 'n' shit.

Sunday closure

My mood from earlier today is a lot better. I got a lot of stuff dealt with in my mind and was afforded the chance to let go of some of the anxieties I've been dealing with lately. It does look as though sleep will not be difficult to find tonight. Thankfulness, is the main thing within me right now. Let's see if I can redirect some of this anxiety into something constructive.

This entry was brought to you by a blended mocha.

Ramblings on a Sunday morning

Had a very difficult time getting to sleep last night. So much stuff happening in my brain that I couldn't relax. Thoughts about the past sorta bringing me down a little, as this will be my first Christmas and New Years single since... well, since high school. Thoughts about the present are both happy and sad - but more happy than sad, which keeps me going. It's probably the thoughts about the future that do the most to keep my mind spinning as it has been.

Most of my life I've had this strange inner drive to move to Oregon - more specifically, the Oregon coast. The natural beauty and slower pace of life were a part of that desire, but beyond that there was something deeper that I couldn't ever explain. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about eventually moving there - it was almost like an obsession. It felt as if the idea were implanted within my DNA and I was doomed to semi-obsess over it for the rest of my life. At some point over the last 6 weeks, this inexplicable impulse suddenly stopped.

I don't remember what day it was. I didn't notice what time it was. All I know is that I've been reprogrammed. And all the dreams I had for myself and my future are no longer important or have been forgotten about. They fell away without a fight.

This revelation has me reeling, and quite frankly, I'm frightened. One would typically expect that major life changes such as this to take some time to develop as time went by. The part that scares me is that my feelings for wanting to move up there were actually getting stronger just before they disappeared. Prior to that, the urge to go there was like a fist around my heart, squeezing it tightly. Even now, I cannot explain how much or how deeply I wanted to move to Oregon. It felt ancient, as though something was there that I had to return to, but I didn't know what it was. Now it's gone.

There's now a sense of frustration about my present and future. It's uncertain. I so want some things, but can't have them, at least not yet - or maybe I never will. Where in the past, I'd just do something or say something to try and make things happen, I'm forcing myself to wait and see. It's been very hard some days, like today has been. I really need to see all I can right now and it's so hard for me to do it. Everything within me sees what it wants, but in order to be fair to myself, I have to get out there and experience things I haven't yet. It's the only way that I'll be sure of what I want to do in the future.

I talked to a friend about how I've been feeling lately and she told me that she was both happy and sad for me. It wasn't until I heard it that I realized I felt the same way: happy and sad. The happiness is definitely outweighing the sadness, but unfortunately they're doomed to be associated with the same thing for now.

This entry was yet another cryptic and vague expression of my feelings.

Cold

Mark today down in your calendar, folks. For the first time in a long time (without there being snow), I'm actually feeling cold. I have no idea why this is happening, but it's got me confused. I am never cold - even when it's freezing outside. One fact about me is that my body is always warm and highly susceptible to heat. This past summer was pretty hot, which made it miserable for me. Winter comes and my body enjoys the break from the heat - but this morning I feel cold.

Maybe a cup of coffee will help. Hmm...

This seemed like such an unusual event for me that I had to blog about it. So consider it blogged.

This entry brought to you by frosty the snowman.

PS: The spell checker for blogspot flagged the words "blog" and "blogged" as misspelled. I find that ironic.

Update: 11:27 a.m. I had a cup of coffee... now I'm back to being too hot. ARRG!

Wizards of Winter

Found this incredible video on BBspot today. You just have to see it to believe it. It's safe to open at work and in front of your family - in fact, I encourage you to show this to them! Somebody had a lot of spare time on their hands to do this one.

This entry brought to you by a bunch of blinking and flashing lights.

Google Rocks!

The folks at TipMonkies.com have put together a list of services that Google offers. While it's fairly common knowledge that Google does a lot already, I had no idea they did so much more. Check it out for yourself!

This entry was written in a small little room, with a sexy pair of chairs.