I'm losing it!

12+ pounds and still going! I haven't really been eating much lately, which has resulted in my losing some weight over the last 2-3 months. It wasn't like I was fat, but I wasn't very happy with how heavy I had become. I'm not starving myself, not by a long shot. I've made the switch to diet soft drinks (with rare exceptions) and drink more water - plus I just don't eat unless I'm hungry. Maybe it's from using the Dorm-a-tron... I dunno.

My mood has greatly improved over the last couple of days. The previous 2 weeks were very hard for me, but things are looking up. On Monday night I felt like a reset button had been pushed in my brain, allowing me to reboot and clear up a lot of crap that's been going through my head lately. The stuff is still in my mind and I'm working through it, but I no longer feel over-emotional about it.

This weightloss and my strange over-emotional state got me thinking about something: My ex-wife, Sherise, was severely overweight for most of our marriage. In May of 2001 she underwent gastric bypass surgery. As she lost weight, she went through some very rough points emotionally - seemingly out of nowhere. What she found out was that our fat cells also end up storing whatever chemicals (hormones, drugs, etc.) were floating around in your system at the time those fat cells were stored up. This means that if you were doing drugs, you might experience a slight flashback from it, if you were depressed you might go back through similar emotions as you did back then, if you were angry, you might get aggitated for no reason, etc... once your body started to break down and burn the fat cells. I bounced this question off my friend Ted, who also went through the same surgery. He told me of how he had also gone through some similarly strange and inexplicable emotional states during his period of weightloss.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, I've been hovering around the same weight for the last 3-5 years. A lot of that time I was in an unhappy marriage and going through a lot of garbage related to it. So what I'm hypothesizing now is that when my body reached a certain area of fat to burn off in my body, it coincided with when I started going through a lot of stuff (over the last 2 months). There's no doubt that I would have been emotionally affected by what I was going through, but I think I got a hit with a extra dose of old emotional chemicals that had been stored up in my fat while things were happening to me recently and I got pushed over the edge.

For all I know, I'm just talking out of my ass. I really don't know. The dominant logical part of my brain has trouble dealing with emotional crap, that I know. I also know myself well enough to realize when something isn't right. 2 weeks ago I took a day off from work because I just couldn't cope with things. I sobbed almost uncontrollably for 2-3 hours. That's not me. That's just not how I deal with problems. It was an emotional breakdown and it freaked me out. So I guess I'm just looking for an explanation as to why it happened, because my logical side needs it. This is about as good of an explanation as I could figure out.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say that I'm not emotional - I feel and deal with emotions like everybody else. I just know how I process things and work through them. Not being able to come to grips with my feelings threw me for a loop and scared me.

Anywho, that's my story and I'm sticking with it. Move along! There's nothing to see here!

This entry came wrapped with a nice little bow that eventually got ripped off and torn into shreds.