The Meeting That Wouldn't Die

This afternoon I was forced to sit in a 2-hour meeting of sheer boredom. It was a web/teleconference that went over the features and setup of a new web portal for our partner organizations (agencies). There were about 12 staff in attendance. 10 minutes in, I realized that I understood the entire thing already... leaving 110 more minutes of having to listen to the pleasant lady on the speakerphone describe everything she was doing on the screen (via WebEx) in excruciating detail. My mind began to wander, so I decided to write down everything that popped into my head during the meeting. Here's the complete list of thoughts that passed through my mind...

• I'm a happy, happy boy!
• I like to draw with crayons and climb trees.
• My bicycle goes very fast! I like to race cars.
• Where did my brain go?
• What am I doing here?
• Dear God, make it stop!
• What is this for?
• Can I fit a whole avocado in my mouth?
• What's for dinner?
• I need a hair cut.
• Please don't fall asleep before the meeting ends.
• If I strapped a rocket to a dog's back, would it fly? Would it blow up?
• PIE! I like pie! Mmmm...
• What is Jennifer doing with her arm? It looks weird, but I like it.
• Can I get the time I lost in this meeting back?
• How much did this meeting cost the company, in terms of salary paid for staff just to attend it?
• Rolling podiums are cool.
• Jeanne really looks like she's paying attention to this.
• How much would it cost for a propane camping stove?
• I'd like to go camping soon.
• Maybe just a nice light hike.
• I just want to hoot and cheer right now.
• COFFEE - MUST HAVE COFFEE!!!
• By my estimates, this meeting has cost about $300 in staff time so far.
• I wonder what [my love] is doing right now.
• It will be fun to see Quinn next weekend.
• Is Courtney (the lady on the phone) cute? She sounds cute.
• My fingers hurt from practicing guitar last night.
• There's soda or coffee spilled on the table - that's messy!
• Yesenia looks so bored, maybe she'll fall asleep.
• The computer was so bored, it fell asleep too! (I had to wiggle the mouse to wake it up)
• BIG BLACK MARKERS - BLANK IT OUT! Just like the FBI.
• Mulder and Scully were cool.
• Must ask seemingly interesting questions! (and I did) Okay, that worked!
• Now we're probably pushing around $450 in staff time for this meeting.
• Knowing glances around the room - everybody wants this meeting to end.
• If I poke this pencil into my eyeball, would it just spring a leak, or could I get it to pop?
• I was just told that this tele/web conference cost us $500!! So we're now at close to $1000 for a meeting that really didn't accomplish anything.
• And I wonder why I haven't received a significant raise lately...
  

This entry was brought to you by a brain-dead I.T. guy. OY!